It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
