I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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