She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize