In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
