i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
