By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
