Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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