I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
