new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
