she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
