I'm really into asian looking animals
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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