i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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