My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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