THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
