Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
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I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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