is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
