I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
