4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize