i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
