Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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