My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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