Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
