Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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