i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
