Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
