Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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