I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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