She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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