So drunk its hurt
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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