Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
