I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
