ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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