u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
