was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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