Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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