I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I want her autograph on my taint
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
