that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
