come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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