Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
