At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
