I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
