I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
