worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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