margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
