We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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