I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
