my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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