This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
