Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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