Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
