My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
