Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
farters have to be the big spoon...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
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Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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