Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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