I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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