I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Everything about him screamed your future.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
