My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
