I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
