Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If that was your dad, he is hot
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
