So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
