I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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