70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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