i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
