I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
