my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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