you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
