i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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