Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
