Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
