I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
