Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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