What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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