Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
