wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
