To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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