I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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