Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
