He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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