Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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