Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
this will be a night to untag.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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