had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
