You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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