doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
