there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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