U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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