its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Randomize
