"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
too bad you live with your parents still
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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