Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
