I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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