Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
