wakey wakey hands off snakey
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
porn star boner night. come get it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
