Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
