my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
